Daily Desk Calendar

For a few years now I've wanted to develop a daily desk calendar, along the lines of The New Yorker or the Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck if..." type.  Since it's who we are and what we know, our version would be "You might be a yuppie redneck if..." 

I've got some ideas, such as:

1. ...you've ever had to turn down the volume on Waylon because the Starbucks barista couldn't hear your order.

2. ...You've ever had to turn down the volume on NPR because you just pulled into the gun range parking lot and you're just plain scared.

3. ...You've ever tracked chicken poo through all the way to your desk at your white-collar engineering job.

4. I believe the following qualifies: