Addicted and Convicted: Part 1

So, the blog may be an ironic place to talk about my addiction, but hopefully it will also serve to remind me of my conviction when I need reminding. It began with Ryan, offhandedly complaining about how much I text. "You're always texting!" "What can you be talking about?" Then the fatigue set in. You may be familiar with it. It's that feeling that you are always going, going, going...even when you have had a 'relaxing' day at home. It's that part of you that won't shut off. It looks like this.

I try to sit down and read my bible or journal first thing in the morning, and my fingers are itching to text someone, check email/blog/facebook/NYTimes/pinterest/ (name your vice), or look something up online. I'm out working in the garden and I always bring the phone so I can answer the phone or hear a text come in. I'm driving and willing to risk the $300 ticket and my kid's safety for a quick call. I have a few minutes downtime I just have to send out a quick text or check my email, again. I'm typing this very sentence and breastfeeding at the same time.

Yep, it's no wonder I feel mentally scattered at the end of the day and can't sit still with the Lord. I'm addicted to technology, distractions.

I'm addicted to things that keep me from fully enjoying the place and moment that I am in, right here and now. (pause in typing as I finish breastfeeding and love on Kaila, I'm working on it!)

Now don't get me wrong. It's not all bad. After all, if I didn't use my cell phone/text/email etc. there are some days when I wouldn't speak to another adult all day long. I would be talking Ryan's ear off for hours about baby poop, nap time and new babble sounds, "Hey! Why aren't you still listening..."

We could start World War III out there, or aliens could attack Los Angeles, and if I didn't use the internet I would have no idea. (Picture me in my baby bubble saying, "That's a cat. The cat say's 'meow...'" "B-I-R-D...say B-I-R-D..." "No, that's yucky...we don't eat rocks!" "Eeeeew, poopy diaper!" all day while the world is blowing up outside.)

I have to maintain my adult brain somehow.

I also treasure the friendships that grow by connecting via technology. Those texts and phone calls often are my lifelines of support from my good friends and family whom I love so much!

There must be a balance.

That said, I felt the Lord calling me. He gave me this verse (ironically through Linda's Blog).

"My dove in the clefts of the rocks, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely." Song of Songs 2:14 He was calling me to sit quietly with Him without distraction (kiddos don't count). To unplug and yearn to communicate with Him above anyone else. I was reminded of how sweet and lovely my Lord is. He was telling me He wants to hear my voice, to hear me pray and give me peace. He gave me;

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7.

And so I have begun to unplug. I will leave my phone behind when I go for a run. I will not take it with me every time I work outside. I will not even look at my buzzing text message when I am in the middle of kissing my babies, and I may not respond right away. I will close my computer for large chunks of the day.

Hopefully I will be more present and aware of the life and beauty that is right in front of me when I'm not letting my technology addiction distract me.

I'm addicted and convicted.